Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Hey is not just for horses. It's also for other ungulates and for Alizas that want so say "Hello!"

cool things i did:
- i blogged
- went to see the Jerusalem symphony on Mahler's 100th yartzeit
- Got things fired in the kiln
- Painted an explosion
- painted a crab
- made cups
- said happy birthday to my mom and 2 best friends
- ate a fried whole fish after going to the symphony
-Don't you think "Xerox" is actually a cool name for something other than the copy machine? "Yo, Xerox, I told you to use freecreditreport.com to evaluate your credit score!" or "Xerox, play dead."
- What kind of sicko teaches their dog to "play dead"? Why don't you teach your dog something useful like to bag its own shit off the sidewalk instead of having fun "killing" your pet.
- walked a couple hours to town on shabbat and saw some relijios kids sucking hard on popsicles
- Something funky's going on with my Achilles. The tendon feels like the sensation of chewing on the butt of a balloon. So i havent been to the gym in a while.
- went to the zoo and saw two Syrian bears mate
- spontaneously went to coffee with Tuni and ended up walking in on the best coffeehouse concert of my life. here's the band: http://www.myspace.com/kedmaproject
- grilled cheese
- saw mayumena again...this acrobatic Stomp/Cirque De Soiel performance at the MASA final event.
- House drinks for when I become a Bartendress:
"Flaming Nipple": (Baileys + sambuca, flambe) , my take on the "Slippery Nipple".
"th" : I just think it would be funny to have someone order something phonetic that sounded like they were farting out of their mouth...like, 'Can I have a [pause] thhhhhhhhh?' And it would be super strong and super tasty so people will want to order it and couldn't avoid saying it.
"Shirley Goes To Temple": Mannishewitz and Plum Schnapps, aka Slivovitz. Instead of an olive, have a nice piece of herring speared with a cellophane toothpick just like at Congregation Rodeph Shalom.
"Camel Piss": An Israeli exclusive that tourists will order to be exotic, thinking it's just a clever renaming of whisky, or brandy, or any other amber-colored spirits, but it's actually the real deal! Ha! Stupid Americans! Silly Evangelist tourists!
- Met Hannah in Tel Aviv to say goodbye and Happy Greece travels to her. Ate at Dr. Shakshukah and got a pretty dress at the flea market. AND I met my drawing teacher's nephew!
- came up with a list of words I wish existed: graped, shinter, scafillate, 5-dive, blincose, yex, thivish, cordillion and rhyth.
- I asked a cab driver to close the window because I was cold, and asked a barista what was inside a pizza bagel...all in hebrew!
- I ate lox this week!
- I watched "About Schmidt" and wished Jack Nicholson was Jewish, just so I could say it was a Gans Documentary.
- Why is the dollar sign an "S" with a line through it?

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

gloating over goat feces

Yeahpppo
i'm back in jerusalem after a brief but beautiful stint in the North with my program. I realized I forgot to post about Yom Ha'Zikaron and Yom Ha'atzmaut...Israeli Soldier Remembrance Day and Israel Independence Day respectively. Yom Ha'Zikaron was observed properly. I was on the bus with Naftali when the morning siren went off. The engine was humming, the bus just paused mid-traffic. We were both unaware it was sounding, so we were caught off guard. It was bizarre seeing a whole street of people and cars momentarily stagnant in the mid-morning bustle of Jerusalem. That night our group attended a memorial service on Ammunition Hill. The Masa event was complete with a live orchestra, multimedia effects, and fancy lighting. Quite impressive.
The next day was Yom Ha'Atzmaut. The streets of Jerusalem turned into one big street party. Major intersections were blocked off, and there were live performances in front of Ben Yehuda and the shuk. Teenagers sprayed eachother with silly string and shaving cream. Vendors sold hot corn, kubbe soup, burgers, and falafels with cheap beer and mixed drinks. We saw fireworks shoot up and crackle over the Leonardo Hotel. It was wild and at times overwhelming.
A couple days passed by and I left for the north Thursday morning at 6:30 AM. The bus ride was long, but we stopped at a beautiful overlook, at the northernmost kibbutz in israel. That afternoon, we arrived at our campsite, dropped off our bags, and drove to where we would be hiking. The hike was gorgeous, complete with freshwater springs (my feet got soaked) and a small pool which we spontaneously went swimming in. After our refreshing 6 or 7 km trek, we arrived at the campsite. We began preparing dinner, which tasted like....camping. We made a decent-sized fire and the Rimon musicians played music long into the night. I set up my sleeping bag outside, except the stars were obstructed by rainclouds. I woke at 4 AM to the tickle of drizzle on my face. I moved my sack to the warm fire, and slept until sunrise.
In the morning we ate a campside breakfast, rolled up our tents, and boarded the bus for Tsfat and repelling down a mountain.
We arrived at some nature reserve where the view was incredible and would have been much more extensive if it wasn't so cloudy. As I clipped my harness to the pulley that would lower me down the cliff, I caught a whiff of organic animal detritus, A.K.A Goat shit. No biggie, I thought, the scenery is breathtaking so there would be no need to inhale the sweet stench. I repelled down the mountain slightly clumsily, and the sight of everyone smiling at me from above and below was something i had never experienced before. Even though the actual repelling lasted only a minute or so, I was so glad I didn't wimp out; my heart rate barely increased. As I neared closer to the bottom of the cliff, I noticed the entire bottom was covered in pellets similar to Cocoa pebbles. I braced a blanket of goat crap which came up to my ankles. Apparently, the nature reserve is home to mountain goats, which for some odd reason see the bottom of this cliff as a giant toilet bowl. Maybe it is to spite all the tourists that repel down and land there. As I waited at the bottom of the cliff for my comrades to join me, it began to rain...pour, actually. The instructors quickly packed up their ropes and my friends at the top of the mountain were forced to seek shelter in the bus. Meanwhile, me and seven others were left at the bottom. The only way to the bus was by a 40-minute hike over slippery rocks and....you guessed it, goat shit. As we gathered up the courage to hike, the first rolls of thunder bellowed, and the rain quickly turned the dried feces into a shit slurry. Along the hike, lighting and thunder shook the dense clouds. At points in the hike, the only way to continue on the path was to slide on our butts, and consequently, my pants were completely crap-caked. I had goosebumps not only from the cold rain, but also from the jaw-droppingly beautiful view from the edge of the mountain. At the last stretch of our hike, there was only six inches of ground for footing, and we had to climb by putting our belly towards the mountain and grabbing onto metal cables drilled into the rock as railings. A couple girls were paralyzed by fear. Was this the most miserable moment of my life? No. It was thrilling. I felt pretty close to death, and I could have shit my pants (thankfully, the goats already did that for me!) but I felt a little buddy-buddy with God. I peeled off my dirty, wet clothes on the bus, and sat in the dry warmth of my towel. I felt a little more seasoned than my friends who were slouching in their seats, already dry and comfortable.
We arrived at our hostel in Tsfat in dire need of showers. The skies cleared. After we freshened up, we visited the ancient cemetery where many famous Kabbalists were buried. At the end of the cemetery, an acoustic, middle eastern band gave us a private concert. We watched the sun set over the lush hills of Tsfat. It was stunning.
That night we went to Shabbat services and ate in Ascent...I was so paranoid that I would bump into Justin Beiber girl.
I slept late. Woke up and had a very boring synagogue tour of Tsfat. After Havdallah, we drove to this woman's private art gallery/vineyard. We had a wine tasting, talked about the architecture of the home, gawked at the rows of grapevines and art-lined walls. Je suis sophistique? I think so....
Sunday morning we went to Israel's oldest kibbutz, Deganya, where there is also a chocolate factory. We decorated pralines like pros. Mostly, I gluttonously spooned the melted chocolate into my open mouth. Then we went rafting in the Jordan river. I had already done this before with Bronfman, but it was still GREAT! The water was high because it was spring, and i didn't get hit by the river reeds too much. We had dinner on the grass and then went home. Back to the kfar. I started classes again today. It went fine. I realized how much work I have to do and I realized how unmotivated I am to do it. I have an appointment with a kiln tomorrow. Hopefully I will FINALLY have some finished ceramics to bring home. I'm really tired from typing all this and reliving the North. I made some sweet potato oven fries. okay!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Golden Tales from the Golden City

A great week.
I don't know if it's appropriate to consider Yom HaShoah great, but I think I spent the day appropriately. I woke up at 8 with a group of friends to go to the Old City. We wanted to hear the siren that sounds throughout the country to remember the lives lost in the Holocaust. Everyone at the Kotel stopped praying, stood up and was silent for a number of minutes, until the siren stopped. Immediately then, a bar mitzvah celebration continued. A woman began talking on her cellphone. I guess those talkative israelis don't like to be shushed...even if it's for a memorial moment.
I then went to school with the intention of getting a new Student ID and doing some ceramics work, but the studio was closed. However, I happened to walk into a Hebrew University-wide Yom HaShoah ceremony complete with acoustic guitar and poetry readings. When that was over, I went to the piano room, pecked at the keys for a while, and went to the gym. All they had on the gym TVs were holocaust movies. I happened to choose a treadmill with a screen broadcasting a very interesting documentary called "A Film Unfinished." Granted, most of it was in Yiddish/Hebrew, but I surprisingly understood a lot. The raw WWII footage was so horrifying, it filled me with energy (fear) to keep sprinting.
The next day I went to the beach in Tel Aviv. The weather was perfect. I went bodysurfing twice. At the bus station, I went back to the Lost and Found, latching on to a glimmering hope that my wallet resurfaced. I got so burnt (after applying sunscreen that morning, mom! I must have fallen asleep and hadn't noticed my skin crisping). My lobster appearance caught the attention of a woman working in a TV station. She pulled me aside to ask if I wanted to be in a Cellcom commercial. All I had to do was tell a love story. I told them I wasn't in a romantic mood. And on the way back to the kfar, an official orthodox "little person" asked me to model for him. I told him no thanks, but he pressured me into giving him a (fake) phone number. I told him my name was Ocelia from Sweden.
I just came back from a beautiful 9 km hike across the Judean hills in Jerusalem. It was only four girls from my program and two tour guides...one of them was our tour guide for our slichot expedition in the Old City. The other was an alum of the Amitim Bronfman program. A different year, though. I got even more burnt (I put on sunscreen twice, mom! It must be that expired "Native Tan" sunscreen from the pool shed.) We walked through a beautiful vineyard, saw some scummy springs carved out of the mountains, and our guides made us tea and coffee with this little Bunsen burner. I'm exhausted from the hike, but i made whole wheat pasta for dinner...didn't want to "undo" all of today's intense calorie cremation.